Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
