I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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