Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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