You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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