So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
