i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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