so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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