the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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