I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
