if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize