CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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