tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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