I need to stop coming to work sober
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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