We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
