Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
