I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
