im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
