I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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