I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
