the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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