What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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