yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
