His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
