textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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