I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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