I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just googled if crying burns calories
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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