My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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