Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
