So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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