apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
