Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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