Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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