i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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