then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
