My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
