Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
