My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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