Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
