You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So apparently I’m into choking now
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