did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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