"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm just crazy horny about you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
