You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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