don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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