please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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