Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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