he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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