you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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