You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
