Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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