Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
