I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
