Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
