I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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