Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
