walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
