I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
