You made me cry and you don't even care
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
