ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
