I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
