Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
