my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
