I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
