i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
