Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
