I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
