i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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