More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
