so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
