I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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