He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
