lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
