so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize