Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
