She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
