I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
