why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
