You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize