Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
