Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
