i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
